Eating Water by John Butler
Eating Water
By
John Butler
“I know so many people out there right now that are struggling to make ends meet, struggling to put food on the table, struggling to keep a roof over their heads. Struggling just to struggle…” JB
Never underestimate the value of a $3 cigar.
Even when everything else in the world seems to be rotting on the vine, holding onto a single, small treasure like a cigar can give you at least a moment to look forward to at the end of a long, long week of sending out resumes, trying to scratch a living off of the internet, eBay, or Craigslist. With benefits having ran out, they take on an even greater meaning that my friend could not quantify. To me, it felt like he was searching for a word that wrapped hope with fond memories and when lit, turned into a moment – a timeout – from all of his troubles.
When all you can afford is one drink, make sure you drink on an empty stomach.
My friend is a realist in that he sees things as they are and not with labels. The glass is neither half full nor half empty, it’s simply a glass of water that doesn’t look like it will slosh out and splash all over you if you walk with it. Meeting for Happy Hour one day, he sat there with his one, $2 beer and pondered something for a few minutes. He looked up and said, “You know, I can only afford this one beer. But, since I haven’t eaten, this is turning out to be one great beer!” Obviously already buzzed, he slowly sipped the pint and looked more relaxed than I’ve seen him in a long time. Stress manifests itself in many ways and with him it was a weight that bent his back. Hunched over, it seemed like a weight crushed his gaze inevitably downward. But, that one beer on an empty stomach seemed to give him just enough of a buzz that it made him visibly relax; his shoulders loosened, his posture shifted and his eyes lifted up and instead of looking at the ground he found himself watching people walk by. Being able to sit at a restaurant amongst people once every eight or nine days, enjoying something as simple as a beer, seemed to matter more to him than a cheap, enjoyable buzz. It meant, for a few sips anyway, being able to be part of society instead of being almost homeless…
White on White: Mayo packets stolen from the corner sandwich shop and mixed with rice and salt.
When you can only afford a scoop of rice per meal and not much else, anything edible that you can add to it to make it different from the last twenty meals makes a world of difference. Everyone says they crave stability, yet I don’t think anyone would apply that word to their diet. Eating basically the same thing, everyday, is what Jimmy Buffet sang about in Cheeseburger in Paradise, “Warm beer and bread they say could raise the dead…” But, when you are living on $3 a day, variety is usually something you shake out of a spice jar.
Back in our college days, where most of learned how to be Top Ramen gourmets, we quickly learned how to make the most of our beer budget by adding other ingredients to those golden noodles. Moi? I loved cracking an egg or two into the kettle after the noodles were done. They soaked up the spices and became little entrees amongst the noodles. But, when you are on the unemployment insurance diet, loosing weight isn’t a problem. After almost two years on it, you are guaranteed to fit into those “skinny jeans” of your younger years. My friend has dropped over 30 pounds, almost 6 inches of waistline, and every ounce of baby fat he ever had in his face. In fact, looking at photos taken of him three years ago, to looking at him today, you can see how his facial features have sunk. His jawline is more pronounced, his checks seem thin—you can see muscles under his skin if he is eating something crunchy—and his eyes seem bigger somehow…
One day, we were walking through the food court at the local mall and I caught him pilfering condiment packets out of the corner of my eye. Like a pickpocket eyeing a target, he casually drifted towards the table with the napkins and condiment packets of a hotdog stand, pulled a napkin from the dispenser and made a show of wiping something off his hand, all the while looking casually around to see if anyone was watching… Obviously, what he was contemplating bothered him (equally obvious, he sucks at poker). Pulling out a couple more napkins, he grabbed a few mayonnaise and spicy brown mustard packets, covered them with the napkin, shoved them in his pocket as he walked away.
Later, I asked him about it and this is what he told me about his cooking experiment, White on White. Since he is limited to only a microwave to cook with, rice is the bulk of his daily diet. Rice for breakfast and rice for dinner. He couldn’t afford to eat lunch. White on White is cooked rice, salt to taste, then stir in a few of those mayo packets and, voilà, you get something new to eat!
Friendships are rentals.
Friends and family seem to vanish either because we push them away or because we drift apart. But sometimes, we lock ourselves away into a self-imposed exile because of pride. We are embarrassed by our circumstances. We are no longer who we were, at least from our depressed point of view.
Showing up at Happy Hour is uncomfortable at best, often painful, or simply draining of what energy we had left as we simply just to show up. There are so many people out there that have no clue that the person standing next to them (1 in 10 here in California (circa 01/10)) might be unemployed… It’s at those times that you realize that the term “friend” has meaning. It becomes a word that is used to describe those people in your life you can actually talk to and escape your personal exile with for a few moments. They are the ones that will float you $20 until your next Unemployment check so that you can buy 10 days worth of groceries (5lbs rice-$5, fresh veggies-$7, chicken bouillon cubes-$4, special entree of the week (4 cans of chili-$4, pasta sauce, 2 for $4, et cetera)…
Other people in your life will, hopefully, never know or realize that you are (were?) unemployed. These are the people whose “friendship” was rented. They were friends as long as you bought a round from time to time. They were friends when you joined them for Happy Hour once in a while. They were friends that were there only socially.
You know they are rented friends if they never ask, “Hey buddy, what’s up? Haven’t seen you for awhile… Everything okay?”
But, these are the social networking friends that we must ply in our search for employment. These are the old colleagues we bump into from our long lost paycheck days, and lie to, telling them that “oh yeah, things are great now that I’m not with…”
It’s a lie we, the unemployed, tell ourselves, too. We have to. Pride is also rented.
Looking for work is harder than work.
Being unemployed is such a misnomer. Those of us who’ve been unemployed for double-digit months know all too well that we have jobs: Our work is looking for work; our job is getting out of bed every day and trying to remember what day it is (think Groundhog’s Day to the tenth power); our job is trying to force ourselves to get out of bed and tell ourselves that, “Today will be productive.” Sending resumes to every job opening that you want morphs into sending them to anything that you feel you might possibly be qualified for—even those jobs that you have to dumb-down your resume for by cutting out all references to graduate level education (i.e., a Bachelors of Arts degree in Psychology when you’re applying for a job at Subway), redacting all accomplishments (i.e., 10 years of experience as a Technical Field Trainer), and turning past employment into plain vanilla bullet points (i.e., 14 years of management experience morphs into “People Skills”).
My friend has about 20 different resumes that he sends out. Rewriting and editing each one to match the job opening he is applying for because he knows that they will run a keyword search on the resume to see if the correct buzzwords are present long before anyone will take the time to even bother to read it.
My favorite Martin Luther King, Jr. quote.
This has always been my favorite quote by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with a fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time…The ‘tide in the affairs of men’ does not remain at the floods; it ebbs…. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: Too Late.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
January 15, 1929—April 4, 1968
This quote reminds me, as a writer and as a human being, to not to put off that which I deem as being important in my life. It reminds me to: write, right now; to make a good choice when I have a choice; to say thank you—or, I love you—in the moment.
The Pink Party at the HOUSE OF BLUES San Diego! Get your tickets BEFORE we sell out!
In an effort to raise donations for the Breast Cancer Fund and the Breast Cancer Network of Strength, join us at The HOUSE OF BLUES San Diego on December 3, 2009!

Visit our website for complete details at WWW.PINKPARTYSD.COM
BUY YOUR TICKETS TODAY BEFORE IT SELLS OUT!
Last years event not only drew capacity crowds, the San Diego Fire Marshall took control of our door! In fact, the event attracted such a large turnout that those who didn’t want to stand in line for an hour filled up three neighboring bars and we almost turned it into a block party! This year, our marquee event is being held at the HOUSE OF BLUES San Diego!
Our Mission: The Pink Party is committed to supporting breast cancer research, patient and family care, to educate about environmental/biological causes and the importance of early detection. By bringing the community together to party for a cause, The Pink Party allows us to celebrate survival, empower and educate. Providing a community connection in an uplifting environment, we aim to celebrate and honor the lives of women and men whom breast cancer has touched, through music,entertainment, and the power of knowledge.
The Pink Party is an event that celebrates life in the face of this serious disease! Through our joyful approach, we focus on the lives of those touched by breast cancer and are passionate about incorporating different examples of respect, honor and empowerment into this event. Through this positive response to the breast cancer epidemic, you can help support the fight against this disease by embracing those touched by it!
Welcome to The House of Blues San Diego!
The two-floor, 1,000-person capacity Music Hall is our main venue for this years marquee event. Featuring revolutionary light and sound capabilities, this space is sure to dazzle the senses! Imagine dancing with your closest friends, cocktail in hand, to the sexy beats of our acclaimed DJ’s. Imagine connecting, laughing, dreaming, dancing and enjoying the night as only the Pink Party can do. With trademark fashion shows, cirque performances and acrobats, live bands and DJ’s this is sure to be a Pink night like no other!
Too crazy for you? Simply exit, stage left into The Delta Room! This unique space is large enough to accommodate up to 250 guests – our biggest Pink Lounge to-date! With multiple, oversized hi-def monitors you will not miss a beat as we watch a live feed from the Music Hall while enjoying the soulful, down tempo beats of the Pink Lounge!
You can buy your tickets Online for just $20 in advance!
On the day of the event, the ticket price at the door will be $40.
Entertainment!
Live Music!
Cirque Performances!
The best West Coast DJ’s!













leave a comment